Children: Green accessories? Economic stimulus? YOU decide.

4 02 2009

PAR2004032336513 SOME folks seem to think having eight embryos implanted in your womb is irresponsible; crazy, even. Personally, I think this new mother of eight is getting the shaft (and not just because her parents won’t let her move her room to the basement). The media refuses to acknowledge the genius of her rampant reproduction–the method to her madness, if you will. (THEY’RE JEALOUS.)

First, we ALL know how stressful it can be to try and look fashionable everyday. A lot of women buy designer handbags to ensure people know that they’re in route to success; be that marrying a hedge-fund trader, or reaching the age at which they can dip into their trust fund without third-party consent. Lately, some of these women have come under scrutiny for sporting designers that own more than two sweat shops, or construct their bags from exotic animal parts.

What I’m postulating is, the octuplet mom has modeled a great way around this problem: Grow your own accessories! Sure, it might take nine months, but the end result is a one-of-a-kind, sustainable addition to your wardrobe that can be manipulated into various poses with simple bribery, or a quick smack. 

What’s more, as your DIY accessories mature and out-date your clothing, you don’t have to feel guilty about making more. Why? Because their rudimentary cultivation will have made them ideal blue-collar workers. They’ll help fuel our floundering economy from the bottom up as customer service representatives at Wal-Mart and broiler-cleaners at Burger King

Posted by: Whip Smart 


every time a fetus is aborted, a doughnut gets its glaze!

19 01 2009


In recognition of inauguration day (and perhaps in ironic comment on post Roe V. Wade lexicon), Krispy Kreme is giving out free “choice” doughnuts tomorrow. 

Posted by: Whip Smart 

score one for pedophiles

15 01 2009


Vladimir Nabokov came in at no. 22 on Playboy’s list of the most important people in sex from the past 55 years–proving once and for all that dying your hair black and cutting your bangs half an inch above your eyebrows with a kitchen knife will, in fact, get you laid. 












Posted by: Whip Smart 

go ahead, blow that second line! you’re just going to abort that shit anyway.

10 01 2009

pregnant_drink-smoke1 It’s about time someone spoke up.

The Girl’s Guide to Treating Symptoms of Unwanted Pregnancies 









Posted by: Whip-Smart

the making of: Craigslist Casual Encounters

6 01 2009

You can thank Miss Robyn for digging up this shocking footage. It kind of reminds me of when I found out Man Vs. Wild was a sham: I was briefly appalled and then went back to jerking off to Bear Grylls*.

*Wait. That actually happened…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Posted by: Whip Smart 

more hipster pubes

31 12 2008

These pubes brought to you by The Smart Girls, who saw our previous post and thought it would be cool to add creditable sources and shit. 




Posted by: Whip Smart 

if this doesn’t make you want thigh-high gym socks, consider yourself a counter-culture reject

25 12 2008
Apparently, this is AA's "raciest" ad yet! Who knew, breasts sell.

Apparently, this is AA’s “raciest” ad yet. Who knew, breasts sell. 

(Also, pubes appear to be part of the female hipster aesthetic now. We can liken this movement to the trend their male counterparts subscribe to: jello arms and mediocre dicks.) 

Posted by: Whip Smart